Hints for the Clueless.....

It's about time for me to put another reminder out into the cosmos for those who need a refresher course on how not to be so stupid, rude, an asshole, creepy or just plain clueless.

Number
1. If we are at work don't flirt with us or ask us out or make sensual eyes or rub your tounge along your lips trying to be sexy while you are in the store with your girlfriend. This is creepy. Also do not do any of the above while shopping for panties for your wife. Again, creepy.

2.Do not be a 49 year old fake tanned gymrat and write me something like this: "do you like beffy guys???????? not skinny little geeks?????????"

I will respond like this:
"I'll tell ya what I dig.
One- I dig guys that can spell. As in "beefy" not "beffy".
Which brings me to number....
Two-Geeks. I like them. They can spell. The read books and take classes for fun and hang out at geeky bars where everyone has stretched ears and lots of tattoos and talks politics and art and geeky shit like that.
Three- I dig guys who are not almost as old as my parents."

3. Men, thank god, are fairly simple creatures. Don't just expect them to know why you are mad at them. They are not mind readers. No matter how obvious you think what they've done 'wrong' is, don't expect them to have a clue unless you fucking say something! Do not play passive/aggressive mind games like this with them and then expect me to take your side when you complain about how thoughtless and rude they are. (what? for not apologizing for something they don't know they did wrong??!!) Men, this goes for you too.

4. Girls have boobs. Big girls have big boobs. If I was going to cover that shit up, I'd have to wear a turtle neck all year long. That's not going to happen. Skinny girls who have nice legs wear short skirts to show them off, I have nice big boobs... I'm going to show them off. They are after all just boobs. Your mom has them, your little sister has them, that creepy 200 year old crack lady on the corner has them, get over it.

It's fine to sneak a peek or to compliment my shirt. "wow, your shirt is very flattering" or "golly, you look hot tonight".
It is NOT fine to stare longingly at, drool on or touch the girls without being invited to do so. Keeping this in mind will ensure you go home with all of your fingers, balls and other extremities in tact.

Thanks for reading. Next time, "I shaved my legs for this??? How not to fuck up a date"