beer alteration amendment

So this weekend I took my new lighter beer goal to heart and started off the night with a couple of Sessions... ok not so bad...not so good either but what ever. I had a pabst- REALLY not so good and stole someone's something else that wasn't good either... then I fell off the wagon and bought a Lagunitas IPA. DEAR JEZUS JesuChristo-Madremia-de-la- Virgin-de-Guadalupe Santisima! I learned an important lesson.... Fuck light beer. Yup, that's it. Fuck light beer. It's obvious that it will be infintely easier to learn to pace myself throughout the night and nurse my beloved micros than to give them up. I'm happy, the bar is happy (micros, if you didn't know, cost at least twice as much) I support local business (breweries) and they're happy... my liver? not so happy... but who ever gave a shit what their liver had to say about the matter?

The beer alteration chronicels

The beer snob's 12 step program

(The Introduction)
Hello, my name is Beth, I am a brew snob. I just can't seem to bring myself to gag down a bad beer. I'd rather be at a party drinking a water than a Miller lite. ACK!
I'm here because I believe I finally hit rock bottom Last Friday. A night of friends, music and beer. I would have loved to join in the drinking all night (which ended somewhere around 5am). Unfortunately since I started tossing back microbrews right from the start by the 4th one I was already so buzzed I could hardly see straight. At some point I may or may not have put down another one or two but even so by the time we headed over to the Horsehead I was nursing ice water so that I could at the very least give directions back to my house later on.
The water sipping continued through out the rest of the night and I do feel bitter about this. At some point there were group shots being taken, beers being passed around and couple rounds of drinking games. All of which I had to sideline to avoid passing out face first on the porch or where ever I might have been.
Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that I needed to join this 12 step program. 12 steps to the appreciation of lighter beers. Crappy beer does have it's advantages as many of you already know... things such as $1 pabst nights (never get that if you're a Lagunitas fan) Nearly half the calories, and the the wonders that come of being able to drink all night without getting so incredibly blitzed that I can't remeber if the band was any good or not.

How do I LOATHE monday mornings?.... let me count the ways....

So I sit here in class. Completely and utterly zoned out. Who's great fucking idea was it to stick of room full of hands-on, artsy-fartsy design students in a 3 hour lecture class on the technical layouts of print files at 8:30 on a monday morning??!?!? Stupid bastards! Insipid morons!

I glance around and notice at least 4 other students, at this very moment are losing their battle against nodding off and drooling all over their keyboards as the teacher drones on about how exciting it can be to create brochures using a duotone process. I hear words like POSTSCRIPT and VECTOR and RASTERIZING IMAGES and can't recall for the life of me what exactly they mean. I suppose it's good I can at least recognize that I'm supposed to know what they mean. Though, not such a good thing that I can't recall them and I'm graduating in 8 weeks.

Nobody's paying attention, yet he keeps asking questions that nobody can (or will) answer. Then stands there "anybody? any ideas? anyone?.....no? OK let me tell you" and off he goes yammering about bleed and trim lines. Once again quips "does everyone understand? any questions.. no?"

The class is silent, we've all either dozed off in the dimmed light near the back of the room or just given up on the hope of there being any good in the world and passed out from hopelessness...
DEAR GOD WHY???? WHY, why WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!!?